In my last days.

In my last days I hope that I am at peace and feel accomplished in life. I hope that I have my loved ones by my side and that they have no regrets about our relationship. In the past few weeks I have felt lonely even when I am with the closest of my family. On my way home from work(2am) I had a vision of my past. It was me walking into Erin's room with a white sheet over him. It felt like I was living the experience all over again. It showed me grabbing his arm one last time. Erin was the father I never had even though he was my older brother. I knew no matter what I was going through he would be there to coach and guide me through it. If I needed him he was there whole hearted. When everything went bad with Erin's health I felt that I knew where I stood with him so I kinda just stayed in the background and let everyone else enjoy what I had enjoyed for years. He was a man to admire. I knew he wanted me to find a job that was more stable and that would benefit me in the long run. When I got the job at jetBlue I knew Erin was proud and happy for me in heaven. Today I realized that I really don't participate in any family activities. I feel that its part me wanting to give everybody distance that they need but I feel that it impacts the bonds and relationships that I have with my family. I know that God will work it out for me though. I feel when I put situations in his hands and pray for direction its the right direction. So yeah... If you knew Erin you knew that he was a kind hearted man that was a blessing to everyone he surrounded. Like always thanks for reading.

Clathyn

Its Christmas time again...

So again its that time of year that every child looks forward to besides birthdays and summer vacation. This year just seems more dismal than most. As most people are celebrating with family I feel alone. I know that I am loved by many but I feel incomplete. I feel like a large part of me is missing. Every time I take back Karma I feel like I am missing out on a large part of my life. I find myself not acknowledging this day as a holiday. I feel like I put on a show for Karma and that's the extent of it. I ask myself what do I need to do to get into the spirit. I really don't know how to solve it. I am thinking that next year I Am going to spend it not working in a tropical climate. Every attempt at being festive has failed. There was the attempt to go to South Carolina that failed. Then there was the attempt to go to Central park to go ice skating with karma. The weather put a damper on that. I just feel with the events of 2007 and 2008 its hard to be festive. In all my spirits I will always try and hide my true feelings to spare karma from let down.
C.3

When the outlook isnt good just make it to the mainstream and traffic will flow.

So at work I was dreading going home. The snow was everywhere. When I went to the shuttle with Kelly and Sondra there were plows driving through the tunel covered in snow. I wondered how I was going to navigate my way home in a front wheel drive car. We get on the bus and situated. As we are going down a hill there was three impreza WRX's stuck at the intersection and at this point I was ready to hit the cot at work. The bus pulled in and ALL the cars were covered in what looked to be 3 inches of snow. When I make it to the car I start to brush off the snow and it goes all over the inside of the car. The only thought going through my head that was clear was WTF? So I braved up and started to leave at a slow pace to 518. Whe I get to 518 I dont want to test the snow packed road so I go about 40 MPh thinking this hour and a half drive is going to be three hours. As I start to merge onto I-5 traffic seems to be going about 20 mph faster. So I am going about 50 at this point wanting to be as safe as I can be. Once I got to Federal way the roads were bare and wet. My mind started to make me think about life and how you have to take it slow until you get to that comfort level where you trust you and your surroundings. Lately I have been trying to find my spot in this world and this was a lesson that is going to factor into my success!
C.3

sometimes...

I wonder where I am going and what avenue am I going to use to get there. Life can honestly change on a fly. Honestly sometimes it takes some rocking of the boat to truly show you different venues in your life. God gives us the freedom of choice with multiple outcomes. I thank him for my strong opinion and the semi willingness to share. I feel that the boat of life has been rocked so I can prosper.
C.3

Tactful? I would say the truth.

So I was called out for a comment I made. I am going to stand by what I said. Not like it really matters now. A red flag waved a long time ago when you couldnt make a decision for yourself. Its all good though. I know who I truly am and wont be held back from closed minded people. You probably are going to get bent out of shape and blog about that. I am glad that the rollercoaster has finally pulled into the station.
PEACE

10 Things Happy Couples Do

I was shown this and would like to pass it on to everyone else.
Enjoy


By Mark Goulston, M.D.
Happy couples know that the real relationship begins when the honeymoon is over. They know that unless you maintain the garden of love, its beauty will wither and die. In a recent column, you discovered the 10 relationship mistakes to avoid. Now discover the 10 things that happy couples do:
1. Go to bed at the same time.Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other?Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times.They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests.After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.If you look for things your partner
does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning.This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel.This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a “weather” check during the day.Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

If I vanished one day would you care?

DISCLAIMER: This blog has potential to offend, upset or enrage you. Please read at your own risk!
Thanks,
Clathyn III

It seems lately that question has gone through my mind. I feel that in some areas of life I have truly failed but at the same time I have excelled. I feel that relationships are not really my strong point at times. I look back at my serious relationships and tend to see that I could be a majority of the reason that they failed. In one instance its not knowing what I want from life just because I was young at the time and wanted the exact opposite of my Significant other at that time. Then she got was fed up with me and decided that she wanted a break because I wanted a business and she wanted a family(Ironically she is truly excelling in her education and I have a little one). At that time I said fine and just left and wanted nothing to do with her. It took a while but I would say that we became decent friends and now dont talk. After that I met this girl who turned my world upside down and didnt even know it. She resisted me but I remained persistant and determined. I would say that at that time we meshed and were honestly unstoppable. We struggled at times but pulled through. That relationship I would say truly defined a lot of who I am since we had a wonderful kid out of that relationship. Dont get me wrong it wasnt peachy the whole relationship but it really had its good times. That one ended in a horrible manner which was pretty much all me to blame. When I left i took my daughter because I thought at that time it was the best thing to do for her since we were both not stable and had issues. If you really know me then you know the rest of that story(or atleast my side since there is two sides to every story and honestly in some view points I was wrong). After I that relationship was over I started dating this girl who really kept me on my toes. We dated even though she was at school for about 8 months. Then one day she said that she was prompted to break up with me. Which i was okay with that. Off and on we dated but her parents never really endorsed our relationship. After we started to date things were cool but in a matter of days got weird. So I decided that we needed to end our relationship if her parents could not accept me for me. We still talk a fair amount but sometimes I feel that I am too demanding for our friendship. All that ties in to how I am feeling tonight/this morning. I have really wanted to make a difference in my life and in Karma's life without putting strain in other areas. Last night I just couldnt sleep. There are about 10-15 different things that I feel that I MUST change to really live life to the fullest. One of them is people I surround myself with. I feel that I have a couple of good friends and a couple of bad friends who do things when they are easy for them. I feel that if I am going to get to the next level I want to get to I need to find the people at that level and work my way to it and stop trying to cater to others needs and not my own. I actually worked out today between Physical therapy and work. It was the greatest feeling to actually work out. Now that I have ranted if you have made it this far thanks for reading. If you have negative emotions about this post let me know. I would like to know how others feel about my emotions and feelings!

C.3

A rainy day

I don't really know how to start this blog. This week I think has been a blast. I spent time with Karma, had the values committee meeting, my first session of Physical therapy and my orthodics are here. For some reason I really feel that a apart of my life is missing. As most of you know it will be a year on the fifth of november that my only brother passed away. In the last week a lot of situations have made me emotionally cold. I feel that my brother was the one who really showed me what success is and that your dreams are possible as long as your cheerleaders beleive in you. On tuesday I had an appointment with a physical therapist to gain strength back in my foot so I can do cardio and get into better shape. Afterwards I went to Rite Aid to pick up more vitamins for Karma and look for whey protein to start to curb my appetite. I saw a section of Bally's blast and with no thought I started to dial Erin's number to get advice. when my brain finally caught up with my fingers I just hung up and stood there in disbelief. I finally went on my merry way and checked out. That was the first time in months I did that. When I finally wound down for the night Karma and I were praying as we do nightly when I have her and during the prayer I added Erin Reeca and Carter in. At the end of the prayer she told me that she misses her uncle Erin and cant wait to see him again. That made me happy and sad all at once.


So the other thing thats been really bothering me is my financial status. I am starting to feel that I am also in a resession. A year ago I was at the waves and the money wasnt good but it wasnt bad. In march I decided to leave to work for an airline knowing that I would take a minor pay cut but if I worked it out right I would make more. That worked out for a couple of months and then all the extra hours dried up. I was out for a month and now my bills have accumalated and I dont feel that I can bounce back with this one job. I left Wild Waves because I felt it was morally wrong, but didnt think of the paycut that I would be taking. Now I feel I have a good work enviroment but not happy with how much I make. So now its my goal to seek out and find a second job to surpass what I was making before. I know that it will make me more stable as a person once I get everything under wraps and rolling. Thanks for being a great friend and listening!
Clathyn The Great!

How my job can be rewarding

After my wonderful month off I have had a fair amount of time to think about how I can make my job more rewarding for me. In the last week I have had my mind set to find my strong points of the job and weak points and work on my weak and perfect my strong. The other night we had our famous jetting from Boston. All the customers bags came in but one... We will call the customer "KF". I thought that kf was going to be irate because her bag was missing. When I checked to Rez there were no comments about if her bag was misloaded to baggage land as it wasn't in SEA. KF was frustrated because obviously her bag was lost she was in a city that wasn't home and had a conference to get to for work. So I took a claim and assured her that we would find a bag. She was comforted but not really satisfied with my answer. The following day(Friday the 17Th) I talked to her again and informed her that I still have not heard anything about her bag but was confident that we would find the bag in a timely manner. She asked me if I had that much confidence in jetBlue. My quick reply was yes and if I didn't have a lot of faith and confidence in the integrity in my co workers across the board I wouldn't work here because my work life would be very difficult. She replied back and said that she would have faith also. I told her that our last flight coming in from Boston was due in at 1020ish and if she didn't hear from me by 11pm give me a call. I ended up going to the gate to take care of a possible situation. When I got finished there I just wanted to go home so I didn't check to see if she called or to see if who ever was in baggage finished the reports that needed to be completed or if the pass down sheet was finished. When I came in today nothing was done from the morning. I figured it was because I didn't complete my form yesterday. So I ran around for completing different things that needed to be finished before our flight to LGB was off the ground. When I was in the baggage area my sup called and informed me that they found KF's bag. I wrote down a couple of notes so I could remind myself to call her after I finished taking the two claims that I had. When I finished that they informed me that I had a call from our delivery company. When I answered the phone it was KF. I asked her to hold on so I could transfer it to my desk. When I transferred the call it was disconnected so I returned her phone call. When I called her back I apologized for not calling her back last night and informed her to bring her receipts with her on Tues when she jets out so we could reimburse her for her expenses. She was extremely happy and relieved. She asked me for my first and last name so she could write about me and how helpful I was to her. I think that this was a satisfying moment since most of the time people can be real evil. So for KF thanks for understanding and being a great sport about the situation!
Clathyn the third!!!

Not heading South this winter

So in the last month I planned on going to South Carolina for my fathers back and neck surgery. Last night I called him to verify plans so I could make it down there and help him out as much as I can. When we were on the phone it just felt like I was just inconveniencing him. So we had a huge disagreement and I decided that arguing about me not going is just not worth it. So now I have no plans for the 20-22 of October. Thinking about going to magic mountain next week! I talked to my former co-worker that said she would hook me up! If you aren't doing anything and wanna go to Magic mountain let me know!
C3

First day back to work!

Today was my first day back at work after my moronic injury. After a month of being off I figured that I would be kinda rusty but would be able to hop back in and roll with it. It started off shaky as I still had an inactive status. After all that was cleared up the day started to go smooth. We had a situation that made a plane inoperable. I felt bad because I wanted to be able to use my damage control skills but had to just sit back in baggage and listen to it unfold. I really figured out why I moved to work for an airline. If you treat people right you can make everything okay for that moment for them to not panic. At the end of my shift I had to go down to baggage and make sure there were no people with displaced bags. This was a night that there wasn't. I actually had three extra bags on the carousel. As I was collecting the bags there was this lady who had a military duffel bag, a garment bag, a laptop bag and a purse. I usually try to offer help to people that need it. She said she wasn't sure where she was going but had to be at Ft Lewis and then asked if we had an USO. I told her that we did and if she waited for the people to come get the last bags I would walk her up there and help her with her bags. She said okay. So an older couple came and got the bags that was theirs( ironically the Williams'). I locked the third bag up and assisted her with her things. She told me that she grew up in NY(45 minutes south of Syracuse) had Basic in South Carolina(Ft Jackson where I was born) and had training in Orlando. It was her first time in Washington and didn't know a familiar face. Since she looked frightened I told her that I was born on Fort Jackson, also had training in Orlando(for jB) and had been to upstate NY for training at Darien Lake Theme Park. She seemed happy that someone was actually talking to her. As we were walking to USO I politely thanked her for serving our country and wished her the best of luck. She told me that it was the most genuine kind gesture that anyone has ever offered to her. I graciously smiled and told her that if I was in her shoes I would hope someone would offer me the same hand. Just being able to help a person in need really puts my job into perspective. As always thanks for reading and have the best day week month possible!

C3

Happy third birthday Karma!

So its Officially Sunday the 5th of October. Happy third Birthday Karma. Later today I will be picking her up. As I go through this day I think back to the day she was born. I think of the smile when I first saw that little girl. She is a special girl. As the years go on I want to be an important part of her life and remain a constant loving nurturing father and just be there for my bright shining future star! If you know Karma you know that she is a blessing and is also a character. So as the years go on I am going to make sure she is my first priority when it comes to her health well being and mental stability. As always thanks for reading this and if you feel like it leave a comment.

C3

On this glorious monday morning

Today I wake up and feel blah... I feel I have no responsibility, no worries, no money(thats a key sadness). I wish I could recreate these feelings and have cash.

Comfort in this lonely world...

So lately I have been down and out about life. In the last lets say three weeks I have had this dream that seems to repeat itself. So after I get off light duty and return to work I am going to follow this dream. It consists of going to Fort Brag North Carolina, Lugoff Elgin high School, Ohio and Colorado. These are all places where I have had vivid memories of Erin and showed up in my dream. I feel after I accomplish these things I will be able to truly create a legacy of Erin and start the healing process.
Clathyn

Out of work for two more weeks and no Short term disablities

So I went to see my dr today about my foot. I felt like he gave me the best news of it just being a strained muscle and tendon, I have to wear the boot for two more weeks but not at night and that on the 1st I will go back to determine how long until I go back to work. So I called my job to check in and they told me that I do not have short term disablities. When I got told that my heart dropped. On top of that Karma was actin a fool in the store. So for two weeks I need to figure out how to make ends meet. I just pray everything will turn out the way it usually does.
Thanks for reading
Clathyn

The BOOT!

So today i went to my podiatris to get my foot evaluated. It was cool at first as my nurse Anne was sporting baby phat scrubs and had semi visible ink. She asked me to take off my shoe of the hurt foot and took my x rays and told me the Doc would be in to see my in a few minutes. When he walked in it was serious business. He asked when I injured my foot and why it took me so long to get into see them. I told him I thought it was a sprained ankle and I thought it would go away soon. and now that its been a problem I decided to go in. He asked how my pain was on a 1-1o scale I told him its like a 4.5-5. So after I told him that he put on gloves and started to feel the part of my foot in pain. It hurt a little but when he started to rub my toes the pain was more evidant. So he stopped. We were talking and I look down and my foot started to swell. He said "Thats no good!". So It turns out I could have a ruptured, strained, ripped or pulled tendon. I have to go tomorrow(September 11) to have a MRI on my foot and I am on "sitting only" Duty. The worst part is I have to wear this boot 24/7 except to shower... Its like the old school Reebok pumps with the valve on it! Well Its crappy but the best for my future of walking... On a positive note My mother and I are mastering our pizza making abilities!

P.S. I love you...

That movie brought back memories of the trials and pain my family went through a year ago. As i watch more of the movie i analyze what really went on with Erin. I have memories of families coming together to show their support of Erin and his family. Thanks to all that really participated. I miss and love you Erin. On nights like tonight I would have made a phone call to check in and let him know I havent done anything crazy. Enough though. Damn This is tough...

Thanks for listening.

CTG

Things I would give for...

my goals that don't match yours, my love of racing, my love of cars in general, all my stylish things I can't go without, my technology that's gets me through the day. I would give up all that for a place...

Happy Birthday E! We love and miss you!

I am sitting at work and I am realizing that Erin is gone more and more by the minute. Its been hard. A year ago I knew that we could be at this point without him but never wanted to imagine it. At times I even asked god to take me and salvage Erin's life. I think as time moves on it will get easier but that's not how it feels to me right now. I feel hurt for the time that I missed with Erin. Erin to me was my mentor, my father, my counselor, my strength and my protector. I feel that he is still those things but in a spiritual way. I have fond memories of moving here from SC and Erin working at Burger King in the Lakewood mall. Erin truly did what he had to do to make things work for him and his family. Erin Always wanted the best for all of his loved ones. Reeca is going to probably laugh at this part. I remember Erin working two jobs and crashing in my spare room on the twin. I remember walking in a couple of times and his feet hanging off of the bed. I also remember nights of Coldstone and vid games. Well thanks for listening to me talk about a true saint in my eyes. Erin we all love and miss you. You shined everyday and now its our turn to make you shine for an eternity! Do what you do in heaven and we look forward to seeing you soon! I love you E and soon I am going to get artwork that exemplifies your life!
Clathyn

what a day...

So today was the day to head to SAN. It started out at 9am. It all started with a drive to sequim to get alaina and karma. This trip is 4 hours roundtrip. Waking up I really did not know what to expect since in the past two years there has been true turmoil between alaina and I. It started out well. Well even though I broke my rule about eating in my car. Since we left it has been a good time. It was the first time for both of them on a plane. I think I was a little more afraid for alaina than karma. When we took off karma was excited and showing it. In the air I took her to the bathroom multiple times during the flight. That resulted in her not having an accident during the flight. We left about 45 minutes late and got to san at about 10ish. So I called the hotel and they informed me that the shuttle stopped running five minutes prior. Well I think that's a good enough blog for SAN. Check it out later! I will add pics on tuesday! Holla at ya boy!

Late night fun?

So sometimes when I am at work late I really start to think about life and destiny. I feel that I am a blessed person who 's will power is daily shaping me into a better father, friend and hopefully future husband. Lately I have really felt down about the way things are going so I decided that It is definetely time to seek out what I want. The perfect wife and Family! So Future wife here I am come find me!
C

When life brings frustration...

In the last couple of days I have felt incredibley frustrated about things in my life and was just complaining about it. So I decided I am going to take control of all the situations I can. The First thing I am taking control of is my finances and where I live. I am curbing excess spending and I finally have a calendar to ensure that I am taking care of everything that needs to be taken care of and I know the weeks I have Karma so I can plan activities accordingly. I have goals and I feel like I get headstrong about the goals and then just slack. I also bought a note book I am going to use as my personal journal So when I have thoughts i can retain them and use them to my advantage later. I have had this funk of depression that is because I am lonely. I am going to put myself out there so I can get rid of this funk.(It really stinks). Progression here I come!! Hey thanks for reading and hopefully it will help you in some way!

Clay

The Drop Off

So as most of you should know I have a two year old and have split custody. Today Was the end of my week with my little Angel. I Always get sad on the last day of having her. Today it was much worse. I felt the pressure of being a single parent. I didn't know what to expect Since her sister was picking my daughter up. When I got there I didn't know what to think. Her Sister was pleasant to me and carried on a conversation for about 10-15 minutes. This comforted me since I also thought that she had ill feelings towards me. So The lesson to be learned is don't judge a situation before it happens.

3am on a sunday morning and still up from saturday work

So I am working nights at the blue now. At first I was really resistant to it. Now I am liking it more by the day depending on who I am working with. Today was a day of cancellations and DELAYS!!!(I am convinced now that I am creating delays to ruin weddings, family reunions and getting to loved ones). Going into today I figured that our last plane of the night would be here at 3am like usual. A complete different story! Its cancelled and so is the first outbound one of the day. From there its gets kinda of wild! delays turn into Dual operations with just enough people to do one operation. Like usual I find the way to get through it and salvage the fast paced time with a genuine smile. After all calmed down I thought CAKE! I just have to finish a little paperwork and i am out of here! Not the case!!! The lady I was working with didnt finish any of the paperwork and had to leave to catch her way home. I truly asked myself why do I let that happen to me time after time? After I calmed down from having to do all the closing paperwork I headed home to my daughter who I see for Seven days and then she is with her mom for fourteen. On my way home I ended up talking to an old friend and I confirmed my feelings of loneliness. So an hour and twenty minutes later I make it home. I put my groceries away and proceed to see my little angel sleeping! Like I do everynight I pick her up and let her know I am home and I love her. I figured that I was going to get the average everyday "Daddy I Love You". Tonight I got a smile that would warm the coldest heart a huge hug and an I love you. That to me showed me why I have chose the path that I have. Innocence, Pure innocence and love. I know that my time with her is coming to an end and back to the working as much as I can for two weeks and then my little angel again. I feel that the choices I have made will benefit me in the long run and I will always be heavily involved in Karma's life. Thanks for reading and may you have peace.

Clathyn!

Just your average Thursday

Sometimes I feel like certain days are the same weekly. Thursdays I will say are my power days. No matter what I feel that its the day I can overcome anything. I am at work waiting for our last plane to come in and I am actually excited about the night getting over. Tonight was a tough night due to cancellations but I felt that it was manageable. Well thanks for reading and may you be blessed.
Clathyn

Feeling lonely in this busy world...

Lately I have been busy with work, Karma and the family but I have just felt so lonely. This sounds bad but I think "What are you doing? You are 26 and still single!" I think once I really strived to have a family, well the perfect family and now at 26 I am starting to think that I am better to focus on Karma the days that I have her and after that just focus on my career and credit score. I think that with the emotions and experiences that I have had in the last two years I have been turned cold. From leaving a situation that was not healthy for Karma turned into a court case to Erin getting cancer and passing away and to top that off starting a new relationship and it being a good relationship with no real problems and it being ruined by the parents not being accepting of me and me not wanting to put in effort to change the opinion of me not being spiritually up to par for the situation(which has made me feel inadequate spritually so I dont want to participate). Everyday at work I see people happy to leave Seattle and people sad to leave. Everytime I see the couple re-uniting after not seeing eachother for days weeks months it makes me refer to the happy times that were created coming or goin from Sea-tac. Now at 26 I just wonder whats around the corner for Mr. Clathyn and if I am ever going to find happiness like I had before or a new level of happiness...

elonanit.blogspot.com

While at work today I was intrigued by this lady who was checking in to go to New York. I noticed that she had a apple that was used with a purpose. My co-worker was checking her in as I continued casual conversation with her. She told me that she was a writer for CBS news and had a blog. When she offered a card I did not hesistate to ask for one due to my interest in this lady. I thought to myself good conversation with a genuine person. So here I am now blogging. Ms. Nole if you read this thanks for showing me the blogging world. I have had a couple of people tell me about it and me blow them off about it but you got me hooked!
Clay