Thanks,
Clathyn III
It seems lately that question has gone through my mind. I feel that in some areas of life I have truly failed but at the same time I have excelled. I feel that relationships are not really my strong point at times. I look back at my serious relationships and tend to see that I could be a majority of the reason that they failed. In one instance its not knowing what I want from life just because I was young at the time and wanted the exact opposite of my Significant other at that time. Then she got was fed up with me and decided that she wanted a break because I wanted a business and she wanted a family(Ironically she is truly excelling in her education and I have a little one). At that time I said fine and just left and wanted nothing to do with her. It took a while but I would say that we became decent friends and now dont talk. After that I met this girl who turned my world upside down and didnt even know it. She resisted me but I remained persistant and determined. I would say that at that time we meshed and were honestly unstoppable. We struggled at times but pulled through. That relationship I would say truly defined a lot of who I am since we had a wonderful kid out of that relationship. Dont get me wrong it wasnt peachy the whole relationship but it really had its good times. That one ended in a horrible manner which was pretty much all me to blame. When I left i took my daughter because I thought at that time it was the best thing to do for her since we were both not stable and had issues. If you really know me then you know the rest of that story(or atleast my side since there is two sides to every story and honestly in some view points I was wrong). After I that relationship was over I started dating this girl who really kept me on my toes. We dated even though she was at school for about 8 months. Then one day she said that she was prompted to break up with me. Which i was okay with that. Off and on we dated but her parents never really endorsed our relationship. After we started to date things were cool but in a matter of days got weird. So I decided that we needed to end our relationship if her parents could not accept me for me. We still talk a fair amount but sometimes I feel that I am too demanding for our friendship. All that ties in to how I am feeling tonight/this morning. I have really wanted to make a difference in my life and in Karma's life without putting strain in other areas. Last night I just couldnt sleep. There are about 10-15 different things that I feel that I MUST change to really live life to the fullest. One of them is people I surround myself with. I feel that I have a couple of good friends and a couple of bad friends who do things when they are easy for them. I feel that if I am going to get to the next level I want to get to I need to find the people at that level and work my way to it and stop trying to cater to others needs and not my own. I actually worked out today between Physical therapy and work. It was the greatest feeling to actually work out. Now that I have ranted if you have made it this far thanks for reading. If you have negative emotions about this post let me know. I would like to know how others feel about my emotions and feelings!
C.3
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