Things I would give for...

my goals that don't match yours, my love of racing, my love of cars in general, all my stylish things I can't go without, my technology that's gets me through the day. I would give up all that for a place...

Happy Birthday E! We love and miss you!

I am sitting at work and I am realizing that Erin is gone more and more by the minute. Its been hard. A year ago I knew that we could be at this point without him but never wanted to imagine it. At times I even asked god to take me and salvage Erin's life. I think as time moves on it will get easier but that's not how it feels to me right now. I feel hurt for the time that I missed with Erin. Erin to me was my mentor, my father, my counselor, my strength and my protector. I feel that he is still those things but in a spiritual way. I have fond memories of moving here from SC and Erin working at Burger King in the Lakewood mall. Erin truly did what he had to do to make things work for him and his family. Erin Always wanted the best for all of his loved ones. Reeca is going to probably laugh at this part. I remember Erin working two jobs and crashing in my spare room on the twin. I remember walking in a couple of times and his feet hanging off of the bed. I also remember nights of Coldstone and vid games. Well thanks for listening to me talk about a true saint in my eyes. Erin we all love and miss you. You shined everyday and now its our turn to make you shine for an eternity! Do what you do in heaven and we look forward to seeing you soon! I love you E and soon I am going to get artwork that exemplifies your life!
Clathyn

what a day...

So today was the day to head to SAN. It started out at 9am. It all started with a drive to sequim to get alaina and karma. This trip is 4 hours roundtrip. Waking up I really did not know what to expect since in the past two years there has been true turmoil between alaina and I. It started out well. Well even though I broke my rule about eating in my car. Since we left it has been a good time. It was the first time for both of them on a plane. I think I was a little more afraid for alaina than karma. When we took off karma was excited and showing it. In the air I took her to the bathroom multiple times during the flight. That resulted in her not having an accident during the flight. We left about 45 minutes late and got to san at about 10ish. So I called the hotel and they informed me that the shuttle stopped running five minutes prior. Well I think that's a good enough blog for SAN. Check it out later! I will add pics on tuesday! Holla at ya boy!

Late night fun?

So sometimes when I am at work late I really start to think about life and destiny. I feel that I am a blessed person who 's will power is daily shaping me into a better father, friend and hopefully future husband. Lately I have really felt down about the way things are going so I decided that It is definetely time to seek out what I want. The perfect wife and Family! So Future wife here I am come find me!
C

When life brings frustration...

In the last couple of days I have felt incredibley frustrated about things in my life and was just complaining about it. So I decided I am going to take control of all the situations I can. The First thing I am taking control of is my finances and where I live. I am curbing excess spending and I finally have a calendar to ensure that I am taking care of everything that needs to be taken care of and I know the weeks I have Karma so I can plan activities accordingly. I have goals and I feel like I get headstrong about the goals and then just slack. I also bought a note book I am going to use as my personal journal So when I have thoughts i can retain them and use them to my advantage later. I have had this funk of depression that is because I am lonely. I am going to put myself out there so I can get rid of this funk.(It really stinks). Progression here I come!! Hey thanks for reading and hopefully it will help you in some way!

Clay

The Drop Off

So as most of you should know I have a two year old and have split custody. Today Was the end of my week with my little Angel. I Always get sad on the last day of having her. Today it was much worse. I felt the pressure of being a single parent. I didn't know what to expect Since her sister was picking my daughter up. When I got there I didn't know what to think. Her Sister was pleasant to me and carried on a conversation for about 10-15 minutes. This comforted me since I also thought that she had ill feelings towards me. So The lesson to be learned is don't judge a situation before it happens.

3am on a sunday morning and still up from saturday work

So I am working nights at the blue now. At first I was really resistant to it. Now I am liking it more by the day depending on who I am working with. Today was a day of cancellations and DELAYS!!!(I am convinced now that I am creating delays to ruin weddings, family reunions and getting to loved ones). Going into today I figured that our last plane of the night would be here at 3am like usual. A complete different story! Its cancelled and so is the first outbound one of the day. From there its gets kinda of wild! delays turn into Dual operations with just enough people to do one operation. Like usual I find the way to get through it and salvage the fast paced time with a genuine smile. After all calmed down I thought CAKE! I just have to finish a little paperwork and i am out of here! Not the case!!! The lady I was working with didnt finish any of the paperwork and had to leave to catch her way home. I truly asked myself why do I let that happen to me time after time? After I calmed down from having to do all the closing paperwork I headed home to my daughter who I see for Seven days and then she is with her mom for fourteen. On my way home I ended up talking to an old friend and I confirmed my feelings of loneliness. So an hour and twenty minutes later I make it home. I put my groceries away and proceed to see my little angel sleeping! Like I do everynight I pick her up and let her know I am home and I love her. I figured that I was going to get the average everyday "Daddy I Love You". Tonight I got a smile that would warm the coldest heart a huge hug and an I love you. That to me showed me why I have chose the path that I have. Innocence, Pure innocence and love. I know that my time with her is coming to an end and back to the working as much as I can for two weeks and then my little angel again. I feel that the choices I have made will benefit me in the long run and I will always be heavily involved in Karma's life. Thanks for reading and may you have peace.

Clathyn!