In my last days.

In my last days I hope that I am at peace and feel accomplished in life. I hope that I have my loved ones by my side and that they have no regrets about our relationship. In the past few weeks I have felt lonely even when I am with the closest of my family. On my way home from work(2am) I had a vision of my past. It was me walking into Erin's room with a white sheet over him. It felt like I was living the experience all over again. It showed me grabbing his arm one last time. Erin was the father I never had even though he was my older brother. I knew no matter what I was going through he would be there to coach and guide me through it. If I needed him he was there whole hearted. When everything went bad with Erin's health I felt that I knew where I stood with him so I kinda just stayed in the background and let everyone else enjoy what I had enjoyed for years. He was a man to admire. I knew he wanted me to find a job that was more stable and that would benefit me in the long run. When I got the job at jetBlue I knew Erin was proud and happy for me in heaven. Today I realized that I really don't participate in any family activities. I feel that its part me wanting to give everybody distance that they need but I feel that it impacts the bonds and relationships that I have with my family. I know that God will work it out for me though. I feel when I put situations in his hands and pray for direction its the right direction. So yeah... If you knew Erin you knew that he was a kind hearted man that was a blessing to everyone he surrounded. Like always thanks for reading.

Clathyn